Photo taken from Viva Lewes magazine

When it comes to ‘finding love’ do you leave it to Cupid and trust that the universe will find you the ‘perfect mate’ or do you search the internet, scour the ‘lonely hearts’ section and sign up for the next ‘speed dating event’?

If you don’t have a partner yet it is very likely that you have already given some thought to the kind of person you would be interested in: you may even have a long list of requirements’!  Your  ‘Ideal partner’ list may not be public knowledge, it may just be stored in your head, but if you put it down on paper it may look something like this….

Must have ….

Dark Hair

Big brown eyes

Great butt

Flash car

Good sense of humour

Must be ….

6ft 2ins

Solvent

Intelligent

Fit

Generous

Passionate

Motivated

Sporty

Loving

Good skier

Must want …

2 children

a dog

house in France

The trouble with a list like that is that it’s almost impossible to find someone to match up, and even if you did bump into someone with all the ‘right criteria’, if you don’t tick half of the boxes on their list, what happens then?  Looking for a ‘match made in heaven’ can be  ‘challenging’ to say the least.

Whether you like or dislike this list, I guarantee you will have some ‘requirements’ of your own. If you are sensible you will have ‘shared values’. I believe having common values  is vital if you want your relationship to ‘go the distance!’  after all our ‘values’ are at the core of who we are as individuals.

I don’t know about you, but I was brought up with ‘happily ever after’ fairy tales and even though my parents divorced about 15 years before I got married, part of me still thought that once I got married ‘my problems would be over’ instead of course I got a whole lot of new things to be challenged by!

Cupid (AKA Caroline – featured in the photo above) has been causing quite a ‘stir’ in Lewes.  According to Sue May, the shop owner, people have been walking past the shop doing all sorts of things to attract Cupids arrow.  This includes stopping in front of the window, and opening their arms wide to receive a love dart straight through their heart, “Go on….go on” they cry. “Elderly men and women come in to the shop laughing, saying “Cupids got me, it’s made me so happy”. Even Cupid herself said, “It’s the happiest job I’ve done yet!”

Right now you may be longing for someone else to ‘make you happy’…just like the books said they would…..waiting for a brave Knight to come along and rescue you, or looking for a Princess you can whisk away so that she can ‘adore’ you forever!  But reality just isn’t like that is it, and the more we strive for the ‘ideal’ partner the more disappointed we can become.

Who is it that makes you happy anyway? Is it someone else? No it’s YOU….YOU MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY!

Those songs that keep telling us that it’s down to someone else just aren’t telling the truth!  They proclaim that

“You make me feel brand new”

“You make me feel like a natural woman”

“You make me feel like dancing”

“You make me wanna shout”

No one can make us feel anything. Only we are responsible for our feelings.

Let me illustrate my point (which hopefully will be sharper than Cupids!)

You’ve just had some good news and you are feeling really happy. You decide to go into a crowded shopping mall and someone bumps into you accidentally.  They immediately apologise and you think nothing of it.

Now imagine the same scenario except that instead of good news you have not had a wink of sleep the night before. Now when the same person accidentally knocks into you, feelings of irritation come up, and before the stranger has  a chance to genuinely apologise, you instantly tell them they “should have looked where they were going!”  in no uncertain terms!)

The stranger was the same it was you that felt different!

So, if you are still looking for someone else to ‘make you happy’ forget it ‘cos there is no one on this planet that can do that.  It’s down to little ‘ole you!

So this Valentines Day whether you have a date or not, make yourself happy!

Speak soon ….

P.S.  If you want to go and see Cupid she’ll be at Mays General Stores, 49 Cliffe High Street,Lewes, East Sussex on Friday 12th February 10am till 2.30pm.