I don’t know about you, but when I am very upset about something, all I really want is for someone to listen to what I have to say. I don’t want them to ‘make everything alright’ like mum used to try and do (and I catch myself doing from time to time with my daughter). No, what really works for me, is to allow that part of me to be heard; even if I know it doesn’t really make logical sense!
When a part of us feels like it is not being heard and acknowledged, it will want to get louder and louder, until someone does listen! And if that upset part of us doesn’t get acknowledged, our inner mind may well try and sabotage plans, and create a ‘drama’, so that eventually, it does get heard! Sound familiar?
When it comes to listening, the thing that is of utmost importance, is listening to ourselves. When we refuse to listen to ourselves we don’t get what we want or need. It’s amazing how many different sorts of behaviour we can develop to stifle that voice inside of us, ‘workaholism, alcoholism, OCD’, gambling, Twittering perhaps: constantly focusing on the children can be a great way of avoiding our inner voice; but it won’t be ignored for long.
Take time each day to listen to yourself, and you will be surprised at the difference it makes. When you can listen, and can be with yourself and your feelings, you are much more likely to work out what you are needing, and when you do, you can find a way of meeting that need.
People usually want to offer us solutions because they can’t bear to see us upset, so it ends up being more about them, than us. If you want someone to listen to you, without making comment, ask them if they would be willing to do that, before you start to speak. In the meantime, why don’t you practice listening to others in that way. It’s a real gift for both parties.
Speak soon ….