It so often happens that people fall in love with each other and after the ‘honeymoon period’ is over, they begin to ‘fall out of love’, because their partner does something they don’t like.
When things don’t ‘go our way’, and we begin to feel uncomfortable about that, we can start to ‘try’ and change the other persons behaviour. The trouble is that it isn’t possible to change someone else! The only person that can change your partners behaviour, is your partner, and they have to want to do that.
Usually the things we don’t like to see in others, are the things we don’t like to see in ourselves. After a while our partner acts like a huge mirror, reflecting back ourselves, and when that happens it can be REALLY CHALLENGING!
This is completely normal, we actually have to go through this stage in a relationship to evolve. It doesn’t have to be ‘my way or the highway!’ Rather than complaining about all the ‘bad’ relationships that have ‘failed’ in the past, it’s useful to look at what we can learn about ourselves, as a result of experiencing these encounters.
Some people get to a point in their lives where they recognise this. They realise there’s a pattern, and as they are the ‘one constant’ in the relationship, it dawns on them, that they are in some way responsible. This is a good thing, because when someone takes responsibility for their behaviour and ‘owns it, there’s real freedom and power.
Instead of thinking, ‘everything happens to you’, consider that ‘everything happens for you’, it’s much more empowering. However painful your experiences in relationships have been, those experiences have shaped you and made you who ‘YOU’ are today.
Stop trying to change someone else, and look at how you can learn from the other person, through relating to them differently. When you stop judging your partner and start being curious about who they ‘really’ are (rather than the person you have been seeing through your own ‘filter’) you can choose to interact with them differently.
Keep looking for a win/win, after all, you’re not a ‘done deal’, you’re constantly growing, expanding and learning, just like they are.
Accept that it’s okay for your partner to have a different opinion, and stop trying to change them: you don’t want someone to change you do you? Acceptance gives you new choices.
If it’s time to move on from a relationship, thank the person for the lessons they have taught you, because those lessons have helped you to grow and evolve.
Enjoy evolving and think about all the lessons you’ve learned about yourself in the process. I’d love to know your thoughts so please leave a comment.