However big your family is, finding time for yourself can be challenging.
We all know that children of different ages have different needs, and as
parents we are constantly learning to adapt to those changes, so that we
can find ways of meeting those needs. The thing is though, that children
aren’t the only ones with needs, and when we don’t get our needs met, we
can feel irritable and upset!
Most people like the ‘good’ feelings (ones that some people might consider
‘positive’) but the truth is, all of our feelings are valuable, in fact they are
vital to our very existence (that’s how come we were born with them)!
Have you noticed that sometimes your littl’un can display their entire
repertoire of emotions in less than 5 minutes!
If we parents are going to keep ‘sane’, it’s important for us to find a way of
meeting our own needs. The only person that is responsible for your
happiness is YOU.
When we feel irritable, it is because we have a need that is not being met.
e.g. between nappy changes Jane decides to wash the kitchen floor, but no
sooner has she put away the mop and bucket and her partner Bill walks in
wearing his muddy boots! Jane is furious. She hates cleaning! She’s
exhausted and the last thing she wants to do is clean the floor again!!
Suddenly, Jane is shouting, and the whole thing ends in tears. After Jane
has calmed down, she is left feeling guilty about raising her voice and
frightening the children. Bill meanwhile, decides to go out for the
So what were Jane’s needs?
Probably the need for consideration and support.
What could she have done differently?
Noticed her feelings of anger, acknowledged the needs underneath, and
then made a request.
It might look something like this…
Bill walks on clean floor with muddy boots. Jane feels angry, then
identifies her needs, and chooses to make a request of Bill.
Jane: “When you walk on my clean floor with your muddy boots, I feel
angry because I’m needing some support and consideration . Next time
can you please remove your boots at the door?”
The more we can be responsible for our feelings and meet our needs, the
more we can stay connected to ourselves and the people we love.
Finally, if you are being a martyr and constantly put yourself last, STOP
Look for ways to nourish yourself daily (even if it’s only for 5 minutes) it
will pay back dividends.
I’d love to know what nourishing yourself looks like. Please do leave a comment.